So this is proof that I am not doing so great with following any cleanse. My next review will be an example of that. The weekend hit, and I felt like I was hit with challenges. Social eating is part of the culture it feels like for me. That is what we do, its part of the adventure in my social circle, we try food. I feel though that I need to finish up this cleanse fast so that I am not burdened with this any longer as I venture into a very social future filled with events that are going to take over my life and ultimately my eating habits unless I really plan ahead and skip out on all the good stuff.
Some of the biggest road blocks I faced in this adventure came with a Bridal Shower for my best friend, crammed in with my talk at church, I had to either run on no fuel or cram my face with sweets and salty snacks. Which I did. I did also regret it later that day.
Saying goodbye to my lover boy, in a formal dinner, meant that I was also cheating. As we sent him off to a new land for the summer to change and impact the world, we indulged his favorite foods, and with it, saw my cleanse get washed down the drain.
Other days it was just life, I was challenged with delicious foods and I just couldn’t get myself to follow the cleanse. Tomorrow, its a nacho bar. I struggle to find a way to make this work. I went on a travel excursion with family, and well, forgot all my food packs at home, so that was a shot in the foot. I am trying to find my footing, find what I want most out of this.
It is supposed to be about me, its supposed to be something I want to do, but yet, I am struggling with the challenges of the social norms. I am finding that my relationship with food is not about what I love, but about the social aspect. I eat healthy if I am eating by myself, but when you input life, friends, stress, work into the mix… its about fitting in, and eating healthy doesn’t necessarily work when you’re tied by your social gatherings.
I need to remind myself, when I am ready to start this again, why I am doing this. It’s not for H (okay maybe a little), its not for my friends, its about me. I need to do this for me! Off to explore that topic tomorrow.
The Jayne Project 