Day 28: Struggling to Find Independence from Tradition

Happy Independence Day! One of the days of the year where I feel like its a celebration of gluttony. One where this year I do not get to participate in. Darn.

I made it through the day without snacking on any of the many desserts my heart kind of desired. Usually if I was awayfrom my family and celebrating with friends, the day would consist of pizza, sushi, or maybe nacho bar, followed by many copious desserts and lots of fizzy sugary goodness. If I were with my family, it would be bar-b-que, probably ribs, hot dogs, and burgers and lots of crunchy salty goodness followed by sweet desserts. Most likely I would have consumed a popsicle at some point in the day, followed by many chugs of sweet tea and lemonade.

This year I am on the cleanse, and my cravings kicked up into overdrive. I wanted sugar, I wanted fat, I wanted salt, and I wanted it bad. It could also be because I am nearing the end of my female reproductive gift of the month. I nearly called the pizza place to order a big giant light cheese, veggie lovers, pigs in a blanket garlic twist pizza. Almost. But I didn’t and instead sat and enjoyed a bowl of blueberries. Since H is not here, I had little motivation to go out with the friends and drive into the city, so instead since I am in the same state as the parents, I decided to hang out at their house. Dad had his normal gathering of friends on the patio and they sat around and drank and had their little fondue of meat.

My parents have it good living on a hill, overseeing two different cities who both did fireworks shows at different times, they could see both shows and never have to leave the comforts of home. Unfortunately, they have new neighbors who don’t leave the fireworks to the professionals and were lighting them up in their backyard, setting off car alarms on the street behind them. It was an annoyance.

I spent the day trying to get my mind off of food. Starting the morning with a shake and had a protein style burger for lunch in accordance to the diet. I did munch on a couple of mom’s fries, snacked on chips and salsa with a splash of guac, and am finishing the day with another shake and supplements.

I am now down to just 72.5lbs left in my goal. So down another 1.5lbs since yesterday. I am a bit dehydrated though, so trying to chug another 60oz of water tonight before bed and see if that helps. I need to be better with my water intake for sure. I have been seriously lacking.

I discovered the root to one of my body processing issues is that the water at the office is not well filtered. So I will be bringing my own water to work for the remainder of my term at the office. The impurities found in my cup after leaving some water in the bottom of the cup astounded me, and it was enough to make me want to gag. No wonder with 100oz of my water coming from the office filter a day, I wasn’t flushing things out and was constantly thirsty. The water was filled with more substance that my body was trying to process. So this goes back to me moving forward with better planning. I need to plan better and make sure that I bring all the water I need for the day with me because my Brita is not cutting it and the water is making me sick.

So I struggled today with fighting off the want to be part of tradition. In order to not play into the tradition of junk food, I had to seclude myself. I still struggle with trusting myself not to binge on junk. I struggled with eating for so long, that once I learned to eat again, I learned to love food and it went from being too thin, to being fat. So as I fight off the pounds, I am fighting against myself to make sure that I stay to the plan. I feel better, and I am not a slug because of it. So sticking to the plan obviously works.

I made the right choice to eat a clean burger, and I made the conscious choice to snack on blueberries instead of chips when I was hungry. I limited my salsa and chips, and made sure to drink my shakes. I am making progress, and I am moving forward to a better future. One step at a time. I may struggle, but this is towards a brighter future.

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