In 2015 I turned a year older, but I don’t know if I can say I turned a year wiser. It was a year of growth, overcoming loss, and making decisions that would ultimately affect and alter the way I would continue living my life. 2015 was quite a year, and even though every year has been a growing year, 2015 was a year for me to grow and burst out of my mold.
The year started out drab and hard and full of change. I had started a new year with a broken heart. I was hurt and wanted to shut the whole world out. The months of gray and sadness continued. I lost a lot of will to live and eventually sought help to untangle the emotions to find out, it was medication all along that was keeping me in a funk. I barely remember anything outside of tears, hurt, sadness and betrayal for the first third of the year. It was a blur, it was a lot of change, it was a lot of hurting.
Spring came anew and with it, I came to learn that things weren’t going to just work out. I needed to find my own happiness by implementing myself into situations that fit my lifestyle and surrounding myself with people who would bring me joy and happiness. I started a new career path, my company started a new path, and while there was a lot of turmoil and a lot of negative feedback, we are at the end of the year and still standing.
Summer came and I just bowed my head and worked through it. I was feeling the turmoils of change, but I was making my life what I wanted it to be and surrounding myself with what I wanted. I took Jayne to a new level and with it, kicked into Fall comfortable and accepted, finding purpose.
Fall turned out to the biggest kicker of the year for me. I put my foot down, I accepted my purpose, I found love for myself, I found care for myself and I found the will to forgive myself, let go of the broken, and move forward to become a more accepting, self-loving version of me. With it, a world of opportunity opened, with it, I found grace, I found God’s outstretched hand, I found the version of me that was there all along, waiting to be accepted by myself.
Each Season this year was full emotional upheaval and change. Each season brought a new twist and with it came a crazy new part of me breaking from the mold.
I learned the benefits of acupuncture this year, and with it the lesson of feeding your body with quality and love. I was already using chiropractic and massage therapy, but the addition of acupuncture added to a full well balanced body. Acupuncture helped me heal emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I felt a shift, I felt I was becoming whole again because I was taking that time to remember me, reflect on me, and take care of me.
I learned to take time for me this year. To shut the world out and just take a moment to take care of me. I had to force myself to reflect on my needs and that was a new endeavor. With it, Jayne found that she is not inviciable. That was a hard lesson. Jayne found her limits, and Jayne decided that helping everyone was impossible, but helping make a difference was not.
I learned to let go of negativity, cut out the bad, and move forward. Life is full of mistakes and while you should never regret anything that happened, you should learn from it and move on from it. I had been hurt so much the last 5 years that I didn’t know what was real and not real anymore. I had run from the problems instead of addressing my feelings and while I wanted people to pay, I needed to let karma take its course, and boy did it this year. Life showed me grace and with it, I learned to just let go of all the bad, hurt, betrayal, and move forward. Letting go was one of the hardest things, but it was a necessity that I will never forget.
I learned to value of experience. I learned the value of jumping in with two feet and just seeing where the world takes you. I was invited on an adventure, and while I would not usually drop everything for this adventure, I had come to terms with the fact that people who said they were my friends, did not value me the way I thought they did, and so I decided to take care of me. So I followed my hearts desire, I jumped in a car and I headed to the last place I thought I would ever go again, Mommy-Con. The conference was not the highlight, it was the people. I found my people, and they are amazing. I followed my heart, was true to myself, and found that the most amazing people were there all along and I never knew it. I met people with a passion for what they do. I met my people.
I have found me this year. I have found my passion this year. I have found acceptance this year. I have found worth. While I jumped from one emotional train wreck to another in the past, this year I stand tall, I stand true, I stand happy and proud as Jayne!
The Jayne Project 